I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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