That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
