Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i came on her dog
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
