I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
