im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
