if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
