In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
