Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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