i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
