after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
