if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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