would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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