is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
wow bdsm is so cute
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