i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
