new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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