You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
