Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
