Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
