and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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