Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
