why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
