Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
