..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
