please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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