Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
