Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
