Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
