i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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