After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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