i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
