I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
