Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
