his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
