the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
