Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
