Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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