My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
