i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
