so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
