I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
