I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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