omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
