Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
