this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
