I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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