U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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