Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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