she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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