he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
