turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
