the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
