I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
