i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
