I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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