i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
