i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
