imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize