you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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