Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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