Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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