Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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