In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
