A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
