Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
