Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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