I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
