i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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