so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
