One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
