i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
